“But here’s the remarkable thing about self-love: When you start to love yourself for the first time, when you start to truly embrace who you are—flaws and all—your scars start to look a lot more like beauty marks. The words that used to haunt you transform into badges of pride.”
Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story is an enthralling read about the life of a trans and gender-nonconforming person growing up in the USA.
I first came across Jacob Tobia and their work through an Instagram post by Style Like U. I was immediately intrigued in what Jacob was saying about living gender fluid, and of course, Jacob’s fantastic and playful sense of style! Since then, I’ve been following Jacob and their work online, even binge watching She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, just so I could hear Jacob voicing Double Trouble in the series. Naturally, I wanted to read Sissy the moment it came out.
Except I waited and didn’t buy right away, because the best part of memoirs for me is when I can hear the author’s voice narrating their own life story. There’s something more personal and intimate about it, like I can get to know them better by hearing them read their own words aloud.
I ordered the audiobook as soon as I could, and Jacob did not disappoint. I loved their voice and intonation, the way Jacob described each story of their childhood. I have to admit I don’t know American accents well enough to know how to describe Jacob’s, but there was a slight twang, with warmth and life to it, that in turn gave the stories a bigger life than they would have had if I’d just read them in my own voice.
Sometimes it was laugh out loud and a lot of fun, other times it was an emotional journey beginning from the youngest of ages and needing to minimise their femininity to adolescent/teenage years and starting to have an inkling of the kind of person they wanted to be, finally to young adult where they were becoming more sure of who they were and unapologetically living how they wanted.
“It will likely take the rest of my life to return to a gender that is free of shame. I will spend the rest of my life trying to resurrect who I was when I was four. But perhaps this is what we all do? Or at least, this is what we all should do.”
There is a deliberateness when I pick up books that are diverse to my own experiences – I’m not trans or gender fluid and I don’t identify with the LGBTIQA+ community – I read experiences different to mine, because I want to try to understand. I want to understand what life is like from another’s perspective rather than just assuming that I know, because I think this allows me to be, hopefully, a better ally. But, I’m also looking for shared experience. Not just what makes us different, also what makes us the same. Sissy does not disappoint on either point, I found Jacob relatable and funny, but at the same time insightful and their accounts of growing up deeply moving.
What felt realest to me, and what left me most reflective after I finished Sissy was Jacob’s insights into the dynamics and complexities of their parents. I liked that Jacob didn’t shy away from the difficulty, that their changing relationship was real and raw, and not always easy. With all parents, there is an expectation of who they think their children are going to be vs what kind of people their children actually are. Sometimes this can cause so much conflict and sadness, but also happiness and joy once we can work through it.
Overall, this was one of the more fun memoirs that I’ve read, and I can’t wait to follow more of Jacob’s work into the future!
