“Why is it more important to defend yourself from accusations of ableism than to listen to my story of experiencing it?”
Say Hello is an important book if you’re going to read about the lives of disabled people, and I don’t say this lightly. As a community we lack first-hand accounts of disability that are a call to action, to learn more and to help us question our own activism, disabled or abled.
Carly Findlay pours her life into these pages, the good and the not-so-good, learning to see herself as disabled and all that comes with the term, and to use the label with pride. This was a somewhat slow burn read for me, that I read over the course of a year, which I really enjoyed. There was so much to think about within each chapter that I liked reading a chapter, then going away and thinking about it till I was ready for the next one.
I have been following Carly’s work for sometime and was excited to know a memoir of this kind was out in the world. I was so eager that I even attended her book launch in Adelaide while recovering from a broken leg, the first time I’d left the house alone in months. As a disabled person myself, it’s important for me to not only learn about the experiences of other disabled people, but to learn from them as well.
“It’s hard to feel proud when someone is grieving for a life that could have been, when you’re still here.”
The topics that Carly deals with in Say Hello are vital for anyone to read. The labour that goes on behind the scenes of any kind of disability, the regular ableism and oppression that disabled people experience, and the persistent questioning of the disabled experience. I had read reviews where some reviewers felt that Carly repeated herself a lot about the ableism she experienced – and I think that’s just the point. Disabled people experience ableism over and over again. I’ve lost count of the amount of times someone deferred to my able bodied friend, rather than speak to me – it’s not like this stuff just happens one time and never again. We deal with the same issues on a continuous basis.
“There are so many ways to do activism – whatever works for you. But don’t put down others who do it differently.”
This memoir gave me a lot to think about in terms of how I approach activism. I don’t really call myself an activist, but I do activist things at times. When you are marginalised, many of your actions to better yourself and those around you become a type of ‘activism’, and because we come to disability from a myriad of different life experiences, we have to be open to others working differently and seeing the world from a different viewpoint.
Carly’s points on awareness, were for me, those that stayed with me after I was done reading. I have always felt uncomfortable with Awareness Months for my own disability, not because I don’t want the awareness, but because of how much I would need to expose myself emotionally in order to be able to do it. I just don’t want my life on display so publicly in that way.
“Awareness for awareness’ sake is of little benefit to the community it purports to serve.”
I have been more conscious of how I do awareness since reading Say Hello. The discomfort I’ve felt around exposing so much of my personal story for the sake of awareness was an area that this memoir gave me some breathing space. I understand now that doing that is a choice. In order to raise awareness, its not just on the person who experiences it, but on those around them to also take some lead also.
I really enjoyed Carly’s words and her story. It’s an important viewpoint and even if you don’t agree with everything or this isn’t quite your experience, I would encourage you to acknowledge that experiences of disability are as diverse as the community itself. This is a memoir that I would encourage people of all walks of life to read, not simply those who are in the disabled community.
